Hate and Humility, part 1

I'm going to be completely honest with you for a few minutes.

I hate myself.

Not just in a cliché, "it's the Christian thing to do" type of way, but in the actual, "I'm a despicable person" type of way.  I lie.  I cheat.  I steal.  I idolize.  I do so many "wrong things," at times I think I'm beginning to compose a dictionary of antonym actions for the Ten Commandments.  It's not like I try to do wrong things; I don't awake in the morning, sit straight up in bed, and suddenly yell, "I want to be bad today!"  No, sin is an action that's much quieter, stealthily creeping up on you when you least expect it.  I was reading in Romans the other day, and stumbled upon a set of verses (chapter 7:14-25) that describe what I'm talking about to a T. 

"We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin.  I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.  "

Paul seems to be going through the same phase I am here; he's unspiritual, a slave to sin.  He doesn't understand why he sins, and doesn't necessarily want to sin, but it happens anyway.  This next passage makes a bit more sense, and helped me to understand how this "living in sin but not knowing it" thing came to be.

"And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.   For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.   For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it."

That passage was a bit longer, but I want you to read it anyway, and slowly.  It makes sense after reading that passage why I do sin when I don't want to.  It's not me sinning.  It's my sinful nature.  Now, we can't give up that easily though—we can't just say, "oh, it's my sinful nature, not me doing the sin, so it's not my problem."  We need to battle the sin.  As a servant of the Most High, I don't want to botch my job and become a servant of my sinful nature (by letting it do whatever it wants) instead of God.  But how do I do that?  Paul is asking himself the same question here in this next passage:

"So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?"

Continued in part 2.