He'll love till the world ends

Life's been crazy, as usual, but I can't say that I would change that for anything.  Sometimes I think that crazy is good, and other times that good is crazy... it gets complicated. 

 But no matter what, I want to talk about something that I've been relearning lately:  God won't give up on you.  It doesn't matter what you do, how horrible you've been, what your past is like.  God simply won't give up.  He won't let go.  I'm listening to a song by Disciple right now, an older one called After the World.  You've probably heard it before...

 "Was I there for the worst of all your pain?
And was I there when your blue skies ran away?
Was I there when the rains were flooding you off of your feet?
Those were my tears falling down for you, falling down for you

(chorus)
I'm the one that you've been looking for
I'm the one that you've been waiting for
I've had my eyes on you ever since you were born
I will love you after the rain falls down
I will love you after the sun goes out
I'll have my eyes on you after the world is no more

Did I arrange the light of your first day?
Did I create the rhythm your heart makes?
Could you believe when your candle starts to fade
I want to be the one that you believe
could take it all away, take your heart away"

This song is a direct letter from God to me—this is when I love music so much, when the lyrics stands out among the beat and teach me something that I wasn't even looking for.  In this case, it's teaching me that life, however horrible, however hard, is lived with a certain SomeOne at my side.  And that SomeOne has loved me since I was born, and He'll love me until the world ends. 

 That's true for us all—God will never, never let us go or stop loving us.  He is there for the worst of our life, just standing there next to us, waiting for us to talk to Him.  Waiting for us to recognize Him, to let Him help us through.  He won't let you go.

The Relationship of a Lifetime

I went to the Rock and Worship Roadshow over the weekend and Bart Millard, the lead singer of MercyMe, said something that really struck me. He was talking about our relationship with God and how our lives shouldn't be the same after we accept Jesus into our lives as before. He said, "is there ever one of those times when all of a sudden, when you're praying or reading the Bible or just thinking about the Lord, that all of a sudden He's just all over you, dripping from your beard [for those of you who have one!], so close to you that He's inside of you, and you know, you just know that life will never be the same?" That's the relationship between you and God. And your life is going to be different. There's no way around it.Mary knew about this relationship when she sang the song recorded in Luke chapter 1:

“My soul glorifies the Lord
and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
for he has been mindful
of the humble state of his servant.
From now on all generations will call me blessed,
for the Mighty One has done great things for me—
holy is his name.
His mercy extends to those who fear him,
from generation to generation.
He has performed mighty deeds with his arm;
he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts.
He has brought down rulers from their thrones
but has lifted up the humble.
He has filled the hungry with good things
but has sent the rich away empty.
He has helped his servant Israel,
remembering to be merciful
to Abraham and his descendants forever,
just as he promised our ancestors.”

When you read this song of adoration you can see the joy and peace that lies behind it. When Mary sang it she was so exultant to the Lord that the words most likely poured out, almost on their own, trying to let the wonderful joy Mary had stored up inside her out to the world, to show it a little bit of the love the Lord had for His people. David, in many of the Psalms, shows this same spirit of exultation in Psalm 111, when he says,

"Praise the LORD.
I will extol the LORD with all my heart
in the council of the upright and in the assembly.
Great are the works of the LORD;
they are pondered by all who delight in them.
Glorious and majestic are his deeds,
and his righteousness endures forever.
He has caused his wonders to be remembered;
the LORD is gracious and compassionate.
He provides food for those who fear him;
he remembers his covenant forever.
He has shown his people the power of his works,
giving them the lands of other nations.
The works of his hands are faithful and just;
all his precepts are trustworthy.
They are established for ever and ever,
enacted in faithfulness and uprightness.
He provided redemption for his people;
he ordained his covenant forever—
holy and awesome is his name.
The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom;
all who follow his precepts have good understanding.
To him belongs eternal praise."

I can just picture the people of Israel dancing to such a song of glorification and joy, dancing a wild dance of raw beauty and love for their wonderful Lord and true King. That's what I think of when I look back on listening to Bart from MercyMe that night—that's what true joy and adoration are, what it really means to have a relationship with Jesus Christ.

When life gives you lemons...

Have you ever heard the phrase, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade?"   My understanding of the sentence is that when bad things come your way, you should simply make something good out of them, or at least look at them in the most positive manner possible.  I struggle with that one, with being happy despite the circumstances, and I think that a lot of other people do, too.  Sometimes other people become down about something that we think isn't a big deal, and we think that they just need to lighten up a bit and then life'll go on just fine.  Other times, it's the opposite—we make a big deal out of a seemingly small thing, and other people start avoiding us because we're complaining and upset about something that's really out of our control.  That's where we need to look to God.
I did a study on the will of God and how we should react to it today, just so I can understand why "bad things" happen in our lives, and what we should do when things don't exactly go our way.  1 Peter 4:19 sums up the whole matter really well:

So then, those who suffer according to God’s will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good.

That passage is really hard to comprehend, even though it reads easily enough.  Some people may say that the summery of the verse is "if you're suffering or hurting, it's according to God's will and you should respond to his will by doing good."  I disagree.  I think that the summery should go something like this: "Our faithful and loving Lord will at times make us suffer by His will; during these times we must commit ourselves to His faithfulness and continue to grow and mature in Him."  We need to trust Jesus in the times of our suffering, rejection, pain, or frustration—this is the only way that we are able to grow and do good.  If we chose instead to turn away from God and vent our frustration and anger against other people, all it does is cause more hurt, but God's made a way for us to grow through it instead—by keeping close to Him.
So the next time "life's giving you lemons," don't give them back or act like they don't exist.  Make a big pitcher of lemonade—something sweet from the pain—and share it with family, friends, and most importantly, God!

Dishes, Names, and Burning Bushes

As I was standing in front of a mountain of dishes tonight, the kitchen lit by a dim florescent bulb, I realized that I had been letting my blog become sadly neglected.  I think that my dog did too, based on the dejected way that she was looking up at me from her bed next to the sink, but then again, that could be because she has a love for maple syrup and eggs.  She has the best I'm-starving-pitiful looks.  And I usually fall for them.

But back to the subject, as I stood there listening to Cat Steven's Greatest Hits and sinking my hands into the dirty dishwater, I wondered what I should write for my next blog post.  At one time (actually, not too long ago), I had it all figured out—I actually came up with ideas of what to write about, and then I sat down and wrote them, but that hasn't been happening lately.  So while I brainstormed, I came across a totally unrelated thought: people seem to get my name wrong when I call them on the phone or introduce myself for the first time.  Grace doesn’t seem that hard to pronounce to me, but I've been called everything from Stacy to Trace—I must have bad pronunciation.  Then I wondered if I could use that in a blog post, you know, stem off of the "getting my name wrong" thing and do something cool with it.  I started thinking of passages in the Bible that might somewhat sort of correspond with that topic.  Can you come up with any?  Most likely not... but I remembered a passage that definitely had to do with names: Moses being called by God.
In Exodus 3-4, God (in the form of a burning bush) and Moses have a very serious conversation.  God's obviously chosen Moses to do His work here on earth, to take the people of Israel out of the land of the Egyptians and to the Promised Land, but Moses isn't so sure.  After a number of questions and excuses—Moses goes from wondering out loud if the people will even believe him to how horrible of a speaker he was—Moses finally asks the One Question that he had been dying to ask.  I can imagine how his knees were knocking as he asked it:

"But Moses said, 'Pardon your servant, Lord.  Please send someone else.'" (Exodus 4:13)

God was angry.  In fact, the passage states that his "anger burned against Moses."  Now I don't know about you, but I don't want the anger of the Lord of everything burning against me.  Moses was probably scared to death and didn't know what to do next.  He was upset, because the Lord had found the "wrong person" for the job.  Not that the Lord ever makes mistakes, Moses most likely reasoned that He just confused the name "Moses" with someone else's, someone braver, better, a public speaker and rabble-rouser.  But no. 
God had chosen Moses for a Big Purpose—to show that the smallest, most incompetent among us can become great and accomplish his dreams.  Although I don't know if Moses' dream at that time was leading thousands of people out of a city and into the desert with a king and his army trailing behind.  But one day, God knew that Moses would come to love the people that he lived for.  And the Lord wasn't about to let Moses miss that opportunity to love them.

Even though that's completely off-topic from people getting my name wrong, I think it's an important lesson to learn—God gives us seemingly impossible, unfathomable, crazy, unacceptable, strange tasks because He wants the best for us.  So the next time you meet up with a burning bush... but seriously.  When He calls, listen.  Don't assume that He's mixed up His names.

To be Home

It's snowing outside, and the weather forecast says to expect 2-6 inches tonight.

Upstairs, Isaiah's sobbing because he's so incredibly exhausted from his day of outdoor play, and the rest of the family is going about their usual routines to get ready for bed.  Lily, our 9-year-old German shorthair, is almost asleep at my feet, covered in a blanket because she was cold.  My cat is on the other side of the room, in the kitchen, eating her dinner.  It's quiet, except for the faint sounds of Isaiah's worn out voice.  And as I look outside at the Christmas lights on our back deck—the blue ones faded to white because the sun bleached them—I feel a certain peace.  It's the feeling of hope, life, and love.  The feeling of Christmas.  And suddenly, I am overjoyed to live in this house, with these people.  To live in the knowledge that I am loved and that I have people to love.  To be home.

Life: in the Abnormal

Is caring about the needy abnormal?

No, seriously.  Is caring for the people who need us abnormal, in this modern, fast-paced world that we've all been pushed into—though, admittedly, at our own will.  Has being concerned for other people been put so low on our list that we prefer not to be bothered by them?  When I bring up this subject, I get the "usual"—homeless people are simply looking for free handouts, for money to buy their drugs, or that slaves aren't the norm for our society, that there simply can't be enough of them to make any real difference.  But let me assure you, there are enough needy people—homeless, widows, orphans, impoverished, that it makes a difference, to do even one act of kindness.  When you really open your eyes to the world's needs, you don't merely see people walking their dog down the street, or a group of teenagers hanging out in the mall.  You see needy people, destitute people, mourning people, hurting people... people who need the message of hope and love and true life that you own.  So caring for the needy in our society seems to be pretty strange, but caring for the un-needy?  Even stranger! 

So what do we do about our lack of caring, our lack of true, untainted love?  We drive carelessly past a homeless man on the street, and within minutes forget about him altogether—if we really saw him at all.  We get magazines about "giving a gift that can change a life," and instead of checking out the website and spending a few of our preciously wasted minutes looking at how to buy a cow for a family in Africa, the magazine ends up in the trash can.  Yes, we changed a life.  We added to the huge feeling of hopelessness that some kid who's dying of hunger is facing.  It's not exactly the type of change we want to make, is it?

And yet, this is the "season of giving."  If not now, why not never?  Look around you right now.  More than likely, you are surrounded by many material things, good things, comfortable things.  Things that may have cost you a lot of money, but you really don't need them to survive.  And yet, with all this... this stuff, we can't save the life of an impoverished child.  We can't support a ministry that's trying to bring kids out of slavery.  We can't even give a couple dollars and five minutes to get a burger for the guy standing on the corner, holding a cardboard sign.  So I ask again:

Is caring about the needy abnormal?

100 Things I'm Thankful For

      1.       A Lord who loves me

2.       A father and mother who take care of me

3.       The sun

4.       My cat

5.       My dog

6.       Being able to cry

7.       Being able to laugh

8.       Love

9.       Life

10.   Books

11.   The Bible

12.   School (yes, even algebra and geometry...)

13.   Paper

14.   Pens

15.   Smiles

16.   The smell of a new baby

17.   The smell of a clean dog

18.   Music

19.   Joy

20.   Faith

21.   My journal

22.   Missions

23.   Orphans laughing

24.   Slaves set free

25.   Food

26.   The knowledge of how to prepare that food

27.   Blessings

28.   Prayer

29.   Poetry

30.   Imperfect people

31.   A perfect God

32.   Salvation

33.   Sacrifice

34.   Homemade bread

35.   buying yeast from a Mennonite store

36.   corn swaying in the wind

37.   the color of soy beans at harvest

38.   crinkly leaves

39.   the smell of rain

40.   the sound of thunder

41.   a whispering tree

42.   mountains

43.   baby calves with big brown  eyes

44.   homemade yogurt

45.   raw milk

46.   little children

47.   younger siblings

48.   the colors of a rainbow

49.   the eyes of a person with hope

50.   tears of happiness

51.   picking blueberries

52.   cooking garden-fresh pumpkins

53.   weeding a garden

54.   canning apple butter

55.   the smell of my mom's favorite candle

56.   friends I can trust

57.   letters

58.   patience

59.   petals of a dried rose

60.   hard times of testing

61.   good times of growth

62.   our Compassion children

63.   watching movies late at night

64.   reading my Bible in the quiet of morning

65.   the sunrise

66.   the sunset

67.   my favorite crocheting needle

68.   a bed

69.   being close with my siblings

70.   that the church isn't a building

71.   forgiveness

72.   windows that I can see through

73.   those days when you wake up and the world is perfect

74.   being able to serve people

75.   hugs

76.   that turkeys don't weigh much more than twenty pounds

77.   birds

78.   flight—and the miracle of humans flying

79.   pencils

80.   art

81.   faces

82.   beauty

83.   being homeschooled

84.   phase ten (my very favorite card game)

85.   adults who invest in the lives of kids

86.   dictionaries

87.   tulips

88.   sandals

89.   coats

90.   coffee

91.   spell check

92.   blogging

93.   martial arts

94.   running

95.   my camera

96.   hot chocolate on a cold day

97.   -30 wind chills to make life exciting

98.   Vitamins

99.   Two feet

100.      thanksgiving

Burdened? (Part 2)

This is the second part of what I was sharing about the Lord's plans often seeming really different than our own plans.  I have edited it in a couple minor ways so it can be read by itself, but I would encourage you to read the first part before beginning this. 

The Lord had plans waiting for me that a half a year ago I would have thought would cause the end of the world.  He had a plan that tonight we would be eating pizza and watching a movie on the living room floor instead of a home cooked dinner at the dining room table because of an unintended (but welcome) house showing at 5:30 tonight. He had a plan that I would be sitting in Isaiah's bed at 9:45, shooting endless "I'm tired, make him go to sleep!" prayers up to the One who was probably laughing with delight.

Yes, delight.  I have a feeling that this is all to Christ's delight.   In one of Paul's letters he mentions a thorn in his flesh.  Some Bible scholars are pretty sure that this is a spiritual thorn, but I've always wondered if it was a real one.  I mean, Paul was human too, right?  And traveling through the rough country of the ancient Middle East couldn't be too free of thorns and other mishaps.  But back to the subject, I thought about Paul's thorn (or "handicap," in Eugene Peterson's Message version) today while looking at the Matthew passage.  I definitely feel like this constant tired and stressed and hectic lifestyle is a thorn, too.  But what did Paul do about his thorn... and what should I do about mine?  Here's his version of the story of his burden:

"Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn't get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan's angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,
My grace is enough; it's all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become."  (2 Corinthians 12:9-10, MSG)

Sometimes I feel like Paul.  I beg, plead, cry out to the Lord to simply get me through the hard times in my life and lead me to the easier pastures.  But it's not His plan.  It's not what He wants from me.  He wants me to use his strength to deal with my own weakness.  My human limitations, that "cut me down to size," are simply tests to see if I'll be humble enough to be cut down and torn up so I can be blessed enough to be able to see God carry me through and set me safe on the other side.  His delight and happiness only grows stronger as I become weaker and more humble and ultimately are able to say that I surrender my all to Him—that I can't handle this crazy life on my own.  And then, like Paul, I shall be able to say with a fervent thankfulness, "The weaker I get, the stronger I become."

Burdened? (Part 1)

The four youngest are now in bed and the house is quiet enough for me to get some well-deserved writing in.  The last few days, my life has been so busy that I'm wondering once again if this is simply a dream—you know, the kind you wake up from and instead of being the hectic life you remember, it's calm, peaceful, and you're able to do all you want.  But when I got smacked in the face by a sleepy Isaiah hand, I knew that I wasn't dreaming.  This life is real.  And I need to start living it like it is.

I said that my life has been busy.  What I meant by that is that instead of simply doing school work, household chores, and helping my mom out with dinner a little bit, I've been doing school work, household chores, making  dinner, putting the four youngest (Sophia, Emily, Sam, and Isaiah) in bed, and not getting in bed myself until eleven or twelve.  Now, I'm not Cinderella—my mom's not expecting me to do all this every day.  And to be perfectly honest, this is a "scattered" idea of what my days have been like.  I don't always do all the before mentioned things every single day.  But I have been striving toward that kind of responsibility, and I've been learning that when you strive toward such a large amount of responsibility, it's not uncommon to have your hands full.  And only the LORD knows right now how full my hands have been.

I was reading my Bible today and came across the verse in Matthew that says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gently and humble in heart, and you will find rest for you r souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30, NIV)  This verse kind of jumped out of the paper and hit me, flat in the center of my very tired and stressed brain.  I'm weary right now.  I got home from working six days a week in a kitchen at a Christian summer camp (and trust me, it's an exhausting job!) only to see my dad off on his way to Colorado to begin his new job and realize that the next couple months would be just as exhausting as the last few had been—if not more so.  It's a daunting task to move from state to state, especially when there are five younger kids at home and your mom's pregnant.  So when my dad left Iowa about a month ago, I knew that life wasn't exactly going to be a piece of cake, but I don't think that I expected to be this worn down and well—burdened—about it.  This move is hard on me because I had the false impression that I was rooted in Iowa for at least the next year and a half.  I had wanted to graduate in the same place I started high school... but you know, sometimes God has different plans.

Right now I'm discovering that His plans are the same as my plans... but only if I keep my eyes on Him.

To be continued in part 2.

An update on life

           My poor blog has sat forsaken for the last ten weeks, while I have been having an amazing (though exhausting) time watching God at work in my and my family's lives.  I want to share a little bit of what God's done this summer:

As some of you know, I left home in early June to serve and grow in the Lord at Eagle Lake Camp (ELC) in Woodland, Colorado.  I was part of the Crew program, which meant that I grew for five weeks alongside other teens, learning more about Christ and working at the camp.  Instead of the usual five-week commitment, God had other things in mind, and I ended up being at ELC for ten weeks.  I did the Crew program two sessions instead of one, and had the opportunity to learn, grow, laugh, and serve double the time I had originally planned.  Halfway through my time at Eagle Lake, I found out that my dad had lost his job.  He found another in late July, and will soon be working for Compassion International in Colorado Springs.  We are in the midst of selling our house in Iowa and are starting to pack up for the move (an adventure with the small children running around everywhere!). 

Throughout the many transitions that have been taking place in my life lately (coming back to the "real world" after 2 ½ months of Christian camp, getting ready to relocate to a different part of the country, beginning to look at the monster piles of school work ahead of me this next year...), I've been able to find God in the middle of everything.  He has been the eye in the hurricane, the safe spot in the center of the storm.  I have been excited to see my faith deepening to new depths, and my hunger for Christ is growing every day. 

            Being at camp in Colorado, away from family and unable to contact them very often, was definitely challenging at times—especially while my dad was job hunting and my mom was trying to get the house ready to sell while pregnant.  I wanted to be there for them to help with my younger siblings, but God's presence in my life made it obvious that I was exactly where I needed to be.  As hard as it sometimes was (though not always—ELC is a wonderful place!), looking back, this summer has been both one of the best and one of the hardest ones yet—and I can't wait to see what God holds in store for me next!

Kill the baby, or kill the toddler?

This story really caught my attention.  Do you think that a real doctor would have actually risked his job to say this?  

"A worried woman went to her gynecologist and said:
'Doctor, I have a serious problem and desperately need your help! My baby is not even 1 year old and I'm pregnant again. I don't want kids so close together.

So the doctor said: 'Okay, what do you want me to do?'

She said: 'I want you to end my pregnancy, and I'm counting on your help with this.'

The doctor thought for a little, and after some silence he said to the lady: 'I think I have a better solution for your problem. It's less dangerous for you too.'

She smiled, thinking that the doctor was going to accept her request.

Then he continued: 'You see, in order for you not to have to take care 2 babies at the same time, let's kill the one in your arms. This way, you could rest some before the other one is born. If we're going to kill one of them, it doesn't matter which one it is. There would be no risk for your body if you chose the one in your arms.

The lady was horrified and said: 'No doctor! How terrible! It's a crime to kill a child!

'I agree', the doctor replied. 'But you seemed to be OK with it, so I thought maybe that was the best solution.'
The doctor smiled, realizing that he had made his point.

He convinced the mom that there is no difference in killing a child that's already been born and one that's still in the womb.

The crime is the same!

'Love says I sacrifice myself for the good of the other person. Abortion says I sacrifice the other person for the good of myself...'
Jesus sacrificed Himself for the good of sinners! That's perfect love!"

—unknown

The "why"

Why have I decided to start a blog? For the simple reason of, so many teenagers don't seem to get that they are wasting their lives away into the little bunches of nothingness they'll be once they die. Kids today don't seem to understand Jesus, or why He came to die. They don't want to accept Him because they think that they will be called names or spit on if they do. And they probably will, too. But I can remember the girl in my driver's ed class last summer who said that she wasn't ready to die. No one laughed or called her names. They stared. Maybe because they felt the same thing but didn't want to say it. The problem with churches is that they're getting bigger and bigger and the ministry is getting smaller and smaller, and pretty soon, there won't be anything left of them but some crumbling bricks and spiders dangling lazily down from their webs.

That's life. Things die, rot, and totally become nothing.

And that's why a blog, or writing in general, has become so important to me. If the kids get the news that Jesus isn't something to be ashamed of, then maybe they'll believe. If Christians actually took care of their lives, then much of the divorce, suicide, and the utter destruction taking place in the world right now probably wouldn't even happen. The slavery, poverty, hurt, pain—it would all be gone, and every man, woman, and child would have the chance to accept God before they died. Wait. That would be a perfect world, wouldn't it? I guess that's not going to happen any time soon, but we can try.